anna's 2 week birthday!

happy 2 weeks to my precious little girl! yay! honestly, 2 weeks seems like a long time to have her. i feel like she's still not really ours to keep.

check out the new pics below from this past weekend. =D

aunt olivia.

uncle noah.

daddy time.

she thinks she's just so cute.

aunt helene.

uncle howie.

her favorite place to sleep -- on mommy.

i had to have a photo of her in this... swaddled up like a baby burrito, and with such a face on!

the wonders and the heartbreak of a newborn baby girl

anna is coming up on 2 weeks of age. 2 weeks! i actually can't believe time is already going that fast.

dave and i are loving our new family member. i'm finding my bonding moments with her in feedings, in how she recognizes my hold/voice/touch. dave enjoys his bath time with her, his time holding her after a feeding, even his late-night diaper changing. she is clearly going to be daddy's little girl, which is just how it should be. i adore watching them together.

the new father has also been an amazing husband for the past two weeks. not that he isn't a fabulous hubby every other day... but he's been especially fabulous since the birth. all his time off was spent trying to make me more comfortable, take care of the household tasks, etc. -- anything to make sure that when he goes back to work, i am able to physically be on my own. he definitely succeeded there. sadly he has to return to work in the morning... but we're grateful to his office for allowing for the extra time off to help me out with my recovery and to give him more time with his new daughter.

of course, all the family members and friends are thoroughly enjoying anna as well. we've had such heartwarming visits. the grandparents -- grandma and grandpa (my parents) and nana (dave's mom) -- have been completely enchanted by her. all the aunts and uncles are equally enthralled by her little self. we are so grateful for all the love from everyone we know. it means that our little girl will be well taken care of all her days, and we couldn't want more than that.

but, with every happy story, a little sadness must fall... our little anna jae is a fussy kid. she has been since day one. we've done a good job of working on her sleeping habits, and she's doing much better there, but she's still fussy. she cries often, much of the time for no apparent reason. we do all the usuals -- make sure her diaper is changed, make sure she's fed, etc. -- to no avail. she's just unhappy. then last night/early this morning, anna threw up during her feeding time. all over herself, all over me, and she threw up everything in her system. poor thing! i spent the rest of the morning up, trying to make her comfortable. i have paid close attention to everything since then, and consulted my baby books. and it seems like she has all the markings of acid reflux. =( it would explain a lot... the all-day fussing, the inconsolable crying, the inability to sleep on her back, and her fits that occur at least once a day during breastfeeding. i think she's suffering, and it breaks our hearts. it has made me cry several times today... i hate the idea of her being in pain and neither of us being able to help.

the pediatrician gets a call tomorrow, and hopefully we'll be able to see if this is indeed acid reflux. in the meantime, we're trying to make her as happy as can be. poor anna. =(

new photos!

yep, more pics. every moment i'm not feeding this kid, i'm taking pictures. and dave takes pictures in all the other moments.

more to come soon!

aunt joan

tired momma.

aunt carrie.

angelic pose.

with big uncle steven.

with nana.

check out my hand. just like momma's!

usually the way people see me.

with grandma.

power to the people!!

what the heck is grandpa doing?

crossing my eyes. it's a parlor trick really.

the labor day...

anna's entry into this world was nothing short of scary and difficult. how something so perfect can come from that experience i'll never know. but she did, and now you know the ending before the rest of the story.

as i had said previously, anna's post-dates testing did not go to my liking. in the end she scored fine, but it took her 1.5 to 2 hours to get those passing grades. she never moved enough for the technician's taste. she slept a lot. i was starting to get nervous. i went back for round 2 on monday the 12th, with grandma maria coming along with me to hold my hand, and the testing went the same way. took a long time, anna slept too much, etc. i was getting really concerned.

so we headed straight to my midwives after the second testing. as soon as i saw midwife jessie, i said, "take her out. this kid needs to come out." she very much agreed -- at 11 days overdue, she thought i needed to do an induction anyway. so we scheduled me to go in that night at 7pm to meet midwife anne to start the process.

let me just preface the rest of the story with this: i never originally wanted to be induced. obviously i knew it was possible that it would happen, but labor never goes the same for an induction. you have to be constantly monitored, so you can't walk around or use the shower or other pain management techniques that would help you. you're in bed the whole time strapped to the machines. this is not the way nature intended a baby to be born. plus, there's a much higher rate of c-sections resulting from inductions, and my main fear was a section.

but, of course, i needed the baby out. her welfare was much more important than my birth plan, and she was scaring me. so dave and i headed to the hospital at 7 on monday, january 12th. they got me registered, IV in, and got me a big room for the induction -- they planned on it being a long night. then they inserted cervadil, which is a gel inserted on a tape to react with your cervix and to help it efface. considering my own progression previous to this, midwife anne thought that this would be all i might need. she inserted it at 8:30pm, saying that in 4 to 12 hours i should be in active labor. if not, pitocin was the next step. then she left, as i had been told that she would -- since it was such a long process, she wasn't going to stay for the inaction of it all. which was fine with me.

dave and i settled in. we watched tv and chatted happily with our first labor nurse. then, at about 11:30, the labor contractons started. i guess they were right about the cervadil being all that i needed... as soon as they knew i was having the contractions, the nurses told me about my pain med options. i definitely didn't want drugs, and i was intent on foregoing the epidural until i felt as though i couldn't stand it any longer. if i could get through it naturally, i wanted to. i had already given up other things about the process that i wanted to have -- i was sure as hell not giving up on my natural birth that fast.

the contractions, of course, got steadily worse. breathing helped. so did holding dave's hand. finally, the resident ob/gyn checked me at 2am and said that i was about 3-4 centimeters along. she called midwife anne, who told her to remove the cervadil to hopefully slow down the intensity of the contractions. she removed it, but sadly the contractions didn't slow or become less intense. still, i wanted to stick with it. by now we were on our second labor nurse, who basically tried to convince dave for me at about 4am that i should really get the epidural. i was angry and still refused... while she was well intentioned, i was determined not to be derailed. i was willing to get one, but on my time and on my terms.

midwife anne returned at 5am, checked me, and said i was 5 or 6 along. my contractions were even worse at this point, at about 2 minutes apart. i still refused the epidural, and dealt with it. so anne broke my water, telling me that it should speed things up but also make things even more uncomfortable. and it did. man, that was the worst pain ever. i went on for another 2 hours, until 7am. at this point, i was screaming like the woman in the room next to me giving birth. so i asked to be checked again, figuring that if i was at an 8 i would continue through, but if i wasn't yet then i would take the relief. at this point, midwife donna had come on for her shift, and she told me i was still at a 5-6, and an epidural might help me progress because it would relax me. so i asked for it. i was proud of myself for getting that far, and would have done it all over again. it's what i wanted to do, and i did it. go me. =)

by 7:20, i was numb and feeling much relief. my mom had arrived, and i told dave that she could come in for a minute to say hi. some time later, my 4th (and last) awesome labor nurse came in to tell me that the baby did not like my last contraction, and she put me on oxygen. that was not a big deal to me, it had happened once before that night. but i shooed my mom out and tried to breathe in for the baby. a few minutes later, the nurse came back to flip me on my side to try to get a reaction from the baby. no go. next thing i knew, the room was filling up. the nurse is flipping me back and forth... midwife donna is back to put in an internal monitor for the baby. then a resident ob/gyn came in to look at my monitor. and all of a sudden, donna is leaning in to tell me that the baby's heart rate had been decelerated for a while, and that it wasn't coming back up, so they needed to do an emergency c-section. as she's telling me this, they're putting me on a stretcher. there's a flurry of action, and they're wheeling me away from dave to run me down the hall to the OR. i didn't get to take him with me, and i didn't get to say anything to him. i just looked at him as i was crying, and he was crying, and they're rushing me away.

i cried all the way down to the OR. donna stayed with me to hold my hand, tell me what was happening, and to keep me as calm as she could. i was completely scared... i thought we were going to lose the baby. and i wanted dave. and i didn't want the surgery to be happening. and i didn't know what else to do except cry and let them do what they had to do.

thank god i had opted for the epidural, so they didn't have to knock me out for the surgery. the anestheseologist worked fast and, before i even knew what they were doing, i felt the pressure on my abdomen. i knew that this had to be the cutting, so i grasped donna's hand tighter and cried and hoped for the best. after some serious pressure and pulling sensations, and a few more seconds, i heard the baby cry. and i lost it. i was just so grateful to hear her cry and know that she was ok that i couldn't hold anything back anymore. finally dave was in the room -- unbeknownst to me, a kind nurse had let him watch through the door as they pulled the baby out and took the cord from around her -- and he got to hold her as i got to say hello. the moment was brief... dave got to follow her out and i had to stay behind and be stitched up, only to be placed in recovery for a few more hours.

the cord had wrapped around her during that last contraction, and it was slowing her heart. i'm still tormented by the thoughts of how that day went, but i'm so grateful to everyone that worked so fast and so well to get her out and safe.

dave and i finally got to christen her anna jae block, which everyone heard with a sigh of relief. i guess not revealing a name ahead of time will make people think you're getting a *bit* too creative with it.

but now anna is here, and our lives are completely different. and we wouldn't have it any other way.

welcome to the world, anna jae block!

i've backdated this blog post so that it shows the time and date of her birth -- january 13, 2009, at 8:20 am, little anna jae block came into this world. with much pomp and circumstance may i just add. she was 6 lbs, 13 oz, and 19.5 inches long.

i will post about the labor story at another time -- it's pretty intense, and needs some real care when talking about it. in the meantime, i'm posting up some great photos of anna taken so far in her first week with us.

thank you so much to everyone who has been calling and sending their wishes. if i haven't gotten to call you back yet (most people), i am so sorry. i've been recovering from the c-section and taking care of our very fiesty newborn all at once, so it's hindered my ability to correspond. but we're doing well, we love you all, and we promise we'll be in touch soon.

post-dates testing today

so i got back about an hour ago from my post-dates testing. it seemed to take forever... they were about an hour late getting to me, and then the baby wasn't being cooperative. seems like this kid really likes to sleep whenever i'm at the hospital, which sucks because i, and eventually the baby, get poked and prodded until they're reassured that the kid is ok.

i got hooked up to the fetal monitor and the baby was sleeping, and then she woke up a bit, only to fall asleep again. in the end, i guess she must be ok, because they let me go home, which wouldn't have happened if the doctor on staff there didn't say it was alright. but i didn't feel especially reassured. since last week's L&D episode where they had to give me another IV to wake the baby up and make sure she was alright, and then today -- i'm starting to worry. i mean, of course i feel the baby move, and she's most active at night when dave is home and he can be entertained. and i also know that babies of this age, in utero, act like newborns and go through sleep cycles. that being said, it still scares me. the technician was wonderful and told me that my printout looked alright, but she had also said in the beginning of the testing that well babies both sleep and are awake, whereas sick babies sleep more than they are awake. and so now i'm worried about her.

on the good side, there's still plenty of fluid in there, which is good, and the placenta is still fine, which is also good. the baby also reacted when she needed to, when i would eat something, drink juice, or we would prod her. so in the end, i guess those are good signs.

the technician, who seemingly runs this department of the imaging center there, wants me back in on monday morning before my midwife appt. to re-run the tests. she figures this will be the best way to let my midwife know the most up-to-date status of the baby for more info on induction. but any way you look at it, if i don't go on my own by then, i'll have to be induced by next thursday the latest.

to everyone that has tried to call recently that i haven't gotten to speak to -- i'm sorry for that. i've just been so out of it and haven't gotten to call everyone back again. i hope this blog is keeping you all updated enough.

the funniest belly photo ever

even when i am in this state, dave can make me laugh. how funny is this photo with my belly? hehehehe...

41 weeks. no baby. i'm tired.

yeah, there's no vegetable left. i'm just huge. and baby block won't come out.

there's not much else to say. i'm exhausted and huge (just check out the photos). i guess i can't say there's no sign of the baby, but as we all know by now, signs don't mean all that much in the end. i've been through so much false labor, pain, etc. in the past 4 weeks that i can hardly believe that this kid has not come out. but let that be a lesson to you all -- especially the women reading this -- that nothing is predictable when it comes to childbirth. and, i would expect, children in general.

we have our non-stress test and the bpp in the morning. hopefully everything will come out fine, as we have no indication otherwise. and then there's just more waiting to be done. blah.

at least i got to have my birthday baby-free. or, at least, labor-free. i guess the baby was there in some form. =) but that bullet has now been dodged, so we can move on from there.

i hope you enjoy the whale photos. they were taken on my birthday night.

midwife visit, post-dates...

i'm really starting to feel like i'm going to be pregnant forever. the going joke is that we're going to buy me a purple dress so that i can be like bonnie swanson from family guy. hehehehehe... i guess you have to laugh at moments like this.

today was my first midwife visit, post-dates. i'm officially 4 days past due, which isn't very late, but late enough that we needed to discuss what's next. i have had slight progression, but not much -- the baby dropped a bit more, and i'm slightly more effaced. other than that, not much going on.

so we have to schedule baby block's non-stress test and bio-physical profile for friday (if there's something available then), since it should be done between 41 and 42 weeks, and i'm officially 41 weeks on thursday. as long as the baby registers ok, the placenta is still working fine, and the amniotic fluid is still sufficient, then there's no immediate need to intervene.

the lowdown on what can come after that... if i don't go on my own by next monday, we'll discuss my next step. they won't let me go past 42 weeks. so i have induction to look forward to after that. good news is that i'm in good shape for induction, and i've progressed enough where they shouldn't have too many problems with it. the main goal is to get this kid out, and if we can do it without c-section, even better.

the third circle of hell...

i'm just done.

yesterday i started to get labor contractions at my parents' house at 6:30pm. i figured they were probably nothing, but decided to go home anyway. i called dave, who was out, and let him know what was happening. started to time them at 14 minutes apart. when they got to 10 minutes apart, dave decided to come home. i called my midwives, and midwife anne told me to wait until they were 3 minutes apart and then call back. in the meantime, she wanted me to relax, take a bath, etc.

in the past, baths have stalled out my contractions (yes, this is not the first time i've been to this rodeo). so i reluctantly took a bath. dave got home and made me tea, and i stayed in the bath for a while. the contractions started to calm, but then they came back on stronger and closer. ok, good! when i got out we started to time them, and we eventually got to about 3-4 minutes apart. so i called back anne. she told me to wait until they got stronger and more painful, and if that happened, then we could go to the hospital. this was at 11:30 pm.

well, i laid down and watched tv as my contractions got closer and more intense. they were never horrible, but then i also have a much higher threshold for pain than i used to due to the migraines. so i couldn't tell what "painful" meant at that point. i could say that i couldn't tell the time difference between them anymore -- it felt like one long contraction instead of several in a row. eventually i decided that since i didn't know what was happening, and they seemed awfully close, we should go in.

we get there, anne meets us. of course, my contractions started to peter out by the time i was in triage at 3 am. the baby was sleeping a bit though, so they wanted to run an IV to wake him/her up. i got stuck twice because the one in my arm didn't work, so that was horribly painful. of course the baby woke up right away, but my contractions went down to cramps and i got sent home. we got to bed at 6 am.

i'm not calling the next time until i'm writhing on the floor and can't speak. or until the baby's head is crowning. whichever comes first.

happy -- or not-so-happy -- new year!

hi everyone!

well, i'm still pregnant, as my grumbly posts have already told you. the due date is today, but sadly, no child. we seriously thought that our chance may have come last night... i started having serious contractions at around 10:30. we began timing them right before midnight, and continued to do so for another hour and a half or 2 hours. eventually, i wanted to relax and get some relief, so i had a bath, and the darn contractions stopped! i was pretty disappointed actually -- even though we both kept saying that this could easily be false labor, i was starting to be sure that it was the real thing. the contractions were strong and i felt like hell, plus they were even and timeable.

but alas, they did not return, or at least to the same degree. i had lots of braxton hicks contractions afterwards, throughout the night and into today. i've had some more regular contractions, but they've been pretty sporadic. and so i'm back to where i was before.

the good thing is, i think i found a trick that actually worked -- spicy food!! we ordered thai last night for dinner, and i dared to eat the red curry. well, that was pretty spicy for me, and curry is usually very upsetting to my digestion. and a couple hours later i started to have contractions. so we're doing it again tonight! indian maybe, or possibly mexican. we'll see.

anyway, i do finally feel like i'm progressing a bit. i could be kidding myself, but i am feeling more like i had stalled labor instead of false labor. i'm hoping to move it forward soon.

onward and outward!

40 weeks -- baby block is late. oh yeah, and a pumpkin...

from babycenter.com:

How your baby's growing:
It's hard to say for sure how big your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7 1/2 pounds (a small pumpkin) and is about 20 inches long. His skull bones are not yet fused, which allows them to overlap a bit if it's a snug fit through the birth canal during labor. This so-called "molding" is the reason your baby's noggin may look a little conehead-ish after birth. Rest assured — it's normal and temporary.

See what your baby looks like this week.

How your life's changing:
After months of anticipation, your due date rolls around, and... you're still pregnant. It's a frustrating, but common, situation in which to find yourself. You may not be as late as you think, especially if you're relying solely on a due date calculated from the day of your last period because sometimes women ovulate later than expected. Even with reliable dating, some women have prolonged pregnancies for no apparent reason.

You still have a couple of weeks before you'll be considered "post-term." But to be sure your baby is still thriving, your practitioner will schedule you for testing to keep an eye on her if your pregnancy continues.

You may have a biophysical profile (BPP), which consists of an ultrasound to look at your baby's overall movements, breathing movements (movement of her chest muscles and diaphragm), and muscle tone (whether she opens and closes her hand or extends and then flexes her limbs), as well as the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds her (important because it's a reflection of how well the placenta is supporting your baby).

Fetal heart rate monitoring (called a nonstress test or NST) will generally be done as well — by itself or as part of the BPP. Or, you may have what's known as a modified BPP, which consists of an NST and an ultrasound to assess the amount of amniotic fluid.

If the fetal testing isn't reassuring — the amniotic fluid level is too low, for example — you'll be induced. If there's a serious, urgent problem, you may have an immediate c-section.

Your practitioner will also check your cervix to see if it's "ripening." Its position, how soft it is, how effaced (thinned out) it is, and how dilated (open) it is can all affect when and how your labor is induced. If you don't go into labor on your own, you'll be induced, usually sometime between 41 and 42 weeks.

a day off from the due date...

and no sign of baby coming out into the world.

my midwife visit on monday evening was less than eventful. i haven't dilated any further and i'm only 30% effaced. yes, that's 30% more than i was before, but still, not much. you'd think that all the contractions, raspberry leaf tea, and yes, even sex, would have led to something by now! not to mention the head being so far down in my pelvis -- we're totally going to have a coneheaded child.

i had my midwife strip my membranes, but it didn't do much of anything for me except give me some more false contractions. i was prepared for that, so it didn't bother me. i was just hoping it would help move things along.

so my due date is tomorrow, and there's nothing happening! i'm sad... and uncomfortable. and sick of the waiting game. my next midwife visit is monday, and if there's nothing happening by then, we will schedule the baby's non-stress test and "discuss my options." ugh. i'm really hoping that i don't have to be induced. but we'll see.

dave and i are laying low tonight. ordering in thai, watching a movie, drinking some cava. nothing much. i have a migraine, so that's not going to help with the discomfort at all. but we'll also be praying that something major happens... i'm ordering a green curry dish to try to push things along!

anyway, even though i'm in a grumbly mood, i wanted to wish everyone a happy new year. in the end, i know this year will bring much more than we've ever experienced before -- and change our lives forever.

to keep me laughing

just got this from my friend jothan, and couldn't help but post it up here. it's hysterical!!! thanks for the laugh jothan. i needed it. =D

just click on the image to see it larger (and readable).

don't want to post...

so, i'm in a bad mood most of the time these days, because baby block just refuses to come out. contractions? sure! cramping? absolutely. backache? no problem. but actual labor? NO.

i'm very uncomfortable most days, and i can't seem to get myself together. i'm trying almost every natural induction method available, short of castor oil and running up and down stairs. today i'm going to ask my midwife to strip my membranes, and hopefully that will move things along.

on the good side, we had christmas at our place this year. both christmas eve and christmas day. and it was great! christmas eve was sort of a trial run, since my mom and brother did most of the cooking for that day. but i was up a lot cleaning and serving and washing... maybe i should have sat down more, but i didn't want to. christmas day was my day to cook, but it was also a much smaller group to cook for. and both dave and i were really happy about the way it went. we figure that next year, holding christmas eve here "for real" will be a lot easier than we thought. yay!

39 weeks -- baby block is a BIG FREAKIN' BABY!

according to babycenter, this kid is a watermelon. i could have told you that! yes, this child is a stubborn watermelon-sized baby who wears me out, doesn't let me sleep (sign of what's to come?) and refuses to leave his/her cozy little space. oy.

from babycenter.com:

How your baby's growing: Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath. See what your baby looks like this week.

How your life's changing: At each of your now-weekly visits, your caregiver will do an abdominal exam to check your baby's growth and position. She might also do an internal exam to see whether your cervix has started ripening: softening, effacing (thinning out), and dilating (opening). But even armed with this information, there's still no way for your caregiver to predict exactly when your baby is coming. If you go past your due date, your caregiver will schedule you for fetal testing (usually a sonogram) after 40 weeks to ensure that it's safe to continue the pregnancy. If you don't go into labor on your own, most practitioners will induce labor when you're between one and two weeks overdue — or sooner if there's an indication that the risk of waiting is greater than the risks of delivering your baby without further delay. While you're waiting, it's important to continue to pay attention to your baby's movements and let your caregiver know right away if they seem to decrease. Your baby should remain active right up to delivery, and a noticeable slowdown in activity could be a sign of a problem. Also call if you think your water may have broken. Membranes rupture before the beginning of labor in about 8 percent of term pregnancies. Sometimes there's a big gush of fluid, but sometimes there's only a small gush or a slow leak. (Don't try to make the diagnosis yourself. Call even if you only suspect you have a leak.) If you rupture your membranes and don't start contractions on your own, you'll be induced.