no heartbeat, just a chat

so, my first pre-natal appointment went much as i expected. it's too early to hear a heartbeat (damn!), and i had just had an exam with them in march. so... dave and i just had a little chat with roseanne seminara of park slope midwives. she's a sweetheart, much like the assistant midwife i met at my first visit in march. very sweet, very encouraging, very open about the process.

i'm not all into the hippie-dippy-trippy approach to birth -- like no drugs, a birthing center or *gasp* birthing at home instead of hospital, etc. i know it works for some women, and i have nothing but the utmost respect for those brave souls. but, um, i'm not that brave. i want an epidural for my pain. and i want a hospital ** just in case **. still, i LOOOOVVE the way midwives work. i do have a very good friend who is a midwife, so i'm a bit biased. in my experience, i find them to be more in tune with their patients and take more time with them on their visits. they are aware of all aspects of the birth -- from the most natural forms possible to the hospital to emergency c-sections -- and are able to advise on all situations. and the park slope midwives practice is great because they are more than open to anything you may want. they don't push you in any direction, which i feel really good about. because i, like most mommies-in-training, know my ultimate goals and limits with this pregnancy. and i don't want my doctor doing anything else other than advising on those goals and making me feel good about my decisions.

dave really liked roseanne too. he found the office to be really warm, which it is. so we're happy with the decisions thus far in this early stage.

i do have a bigger decision to make though. there is a series of screenings that help to check for down's syndrome and spinabifida. they are non-invasive and take place from 11-13 weeks, 15-18 weeks, and 19-20 weeks, respectively. when roseanne first informed me that these tests were available to me, if i wanted them, i was sure i should go for it. i mean, why not check to see if the baby is ok? i'm not high risk, so everything should be just fine, but still it'd be nice to know for sure. dave, however, felt differently. we have no plans to terminate regardless of the results, so he doesn't see why we would want to "make ourselves sad" for the remainder of the pregnancy if we were to find out something is wrong. then i was confused.

there are arguments to be made for both sides. dave's right in a way -- why make yourself upset early in the pregnancy if you don't plan to terminate? that being said, there are arguments for the other side -- regardless of plans to keep the baby, early testing would help prepare us for specialists, special equipment needs, etc. so what's a new mom to do?

well, i've done some reading on the tests since i got home. and there are aspects that make me not want to take them. a lot of women have reported false positives from the screenings, making them worry needlessly. the only way to alleviate these very real concerns completely is to get an amniocentesis, which i have absolutely no desire to do. an amnio is scary, and carries with it it's own risk of miscarriage. so unless i have my second child at the age of 35+, i really don't want one.

with all of this, i'm starting to lean against having the screenings. dave and i will talk further about it tonight, and i'll come to a decision by this weekend so that i can make my appointment if i need to.