separation anxiety

well, we've moved onto a new and exciting stage of baby rearing -- separation anxiety.

i hope you note the sarcasm in my writing.

anna jae has been giving us, mostly me, a really rough few weeks. that's why i haven't been on here much lately. i thought that it was teething at first -- she's definitely teething, she has the peaks of two bottom teeth coming through, i know she's in pain sometimes when she won't let me touch her gums. so i just attributed all of her recent actions to the teeth; actions which include screaming when i put her on the floor/in her jumper/in her stroller/anywhere that's not my arms, screaming when i put her down for a nap, and the worst, screaming during the night. the night wakes are the worst -- the cry is gutteral, low, painful almost. she would wake and stay awake, no matter how much i tried to soothe her, for 1-3 hours each time. all of this up and down, soothing and picking up resulted in a serious worsening of my already bad neck, making my back spasm.

for 2 days, when my back was severe, dave woke up for anna at night. he got her back to sleep in 10 minutes or less. that was great, but frustrating -- when i got back to doing it on tuesday night, she was up again for 3 hours! what was going on? i knew it had something to do with not wanting me to leave her, even though she wouldn't sleep while i was with her either. so i looked it up... and came up with spearation anxiety!

yep. separation anxiety. i thought it was too early for it, but apparently it starts at 6-9 months. anna jae is 6.5 months, and it's been going on for weeks, so our little over-achiever started on the early end of it. it explains everything, especially her actions during the day, and the new need to be in my arms when someone else holds her (she's always been a very social baby, so this is very unlike her). apparently it means that she's developed the ability to remember and desire objects and people, which is great, except children learn that people leave before they learn that they come back. sad! so i'm trying to make her feel better about it. i've adopted a new way of dealing with her during the day... i reassure her that i'm there, even if it means she stays where she is and i talk to her from my seat, the bathroom, or the kitchen. i put her down for a nap after i read to her and cuddle with her for a bit. i still enforce that she needs to be by herself sometimes, but i make it more cozy for her.

now, her separation anxiety at night is a different animal -- a different cry (low, gutteral, painful almost), a different reaction to seeing me (she gets worse, she doesn't want me to leave). so it's a tough balance to strike. so we've reset our parameters again. i got her a nightlight so that the dark didn't scare her, and we now let her cry for about 5 whole minutes or so before going in (i say that because in the middle of the night, one minute feels like 10, so i actually watch the clock and wait). most of the time, if she wakes, she'll go back to sleep within 1-5 minutes if we don't intercede. if i have to go in, like last night, i rub her head, calm her down, and then as she starts to drift, i kiss her on the head and let her know i'm leaving again. the key there is that she can feel safe in her own crib, and she knows i'm leaving (that's how i leave every time i put her down in her crib, so she knows what it means). if she wakes to find me gone, it's going to freak her out more than KNOWING that i've gone. this combination seems to have worked, and i only had to go in once out of the last three nights, and she's back to sleeping 10+ hour stretches.

she's still clinging to me a lot during the day and i imagine that will continue for a while. my back is also still a mess, and i have a lot of healing to do. i need to pay more attention to taking care of myself, because if i'm out of commission, no one is here to take care of anna jae. still, i have hope that this stage will now be easier to deal with.

in other news, anna jae is spending most of her time talking gibberish these days. she still hasn't mastered any other words but mama, but she's trying. hard. =) she's actually less physically active than usual, and is clearly putting most of her effort into talking.

the sitting up is going well, and she is attempting to start crawling, though that's going nowhere yet. she's developed a love for certain toys though, which is fun.

and yes, she's still addicted to her swaddle (the next thing to conquer), sesame street, and dr. phil. =D