the labor day...

anna's entry into this world was nothing short of scary and difficult. how something so perfect can come from that experience i'll never know. but she did, and now you know the ending before the rest of the story.

as i had said previously, anna's post-dates testing did not go to my liking. in the end she scored fine, but it took her 1.5 to 2 hours to get those passing grades. she never moved enough for the technician's taste. she slept a lot. i was starting to get nervous. i went back for round 2 on monday the 12th, with grandma maria coming along with me to hold my hand, and the testing went the same way. took a long time, anna slept too much, etc. i was getting really concerned.

so we headed straight to my midwives after the second testing. as soon as i saw midwife jessie, i said, "take her out. this kid needs to come out." she very much agreed -- at 11 days overdue, she thought i needed to do an induction anyway. so we scheduled me to go in that night at 7pm to meet midwife anne to start the process.

let me just preface the rest of the story with this: i never originally wanted to be induced. obviously i knew it was possible that it would happen, but labor never goes the same for an induction. you have to be constantly monitored, so you can't walk around or use the shower or other pain management techniques that would help you. you're in bed the whole time strapped to the machines. this is not the way nature intended a baby to be born. plus, there's a much higher rate of c-sections resulting from inductions, and my main fear was a section.

but, of course, i needed the baby out. her welfare was much more important than my birth plan, and she was scaring me. so dave and i headed to the hospital at 7 on monday, january 12th. they got me registered, IV in, and got me a big room for the induction -- they planned on it being a long night. then they inserted cervadil, which is a gel inserted on a tape to react with your cervix and to help it efface. considering my own progression previous to this, midwife anne thought that this would be all i might need. she inserted it at 8:30pm, saying that in 4 to 12 hours i should be in active labor. if not, pitocin was the next step. then she left, as i had been told that she would -- since it was such a long process, she wasn't going to stay for the inaction of it all. which was fine with me.

dave and i settled in. we watched tv and chatted happily with our first labor nurse. then, at about 11:30, the labor contractons started. i guess they were right about the cervadil being all that i needed... as soon as they knew i was having the contractions, the nurses told me about my pain med options. i definitely didn't want drugs, and i was intent on foregoing the epidural until i felt as though i couldn't stand it any longer. if i could get through it naturally, i wanted to. i had already given up other things about the process that i wanted to have -- i was sure as hell not giving up on my natural birth that fast.

the contractions, of course, got steadily worse. breathing helped. so did holding dave's hand. finally, the resident ob/gyn checked me at 2am and said that i was about 3-4 centimeters along. she called midwife anne, who told her to remove the cervadil to hopefully slow down the intensity of the contractions. she removed it, but sadly the contractions didn't slow or become less intense. still, i wanted to stick with it. by now we were on our second labor nurse, who basically tried to convince dave for me at about 4am that i should really get the epidural. i was angry and still refused... while she was well intentioned, i was determined not to be derailed. i was willing to get one, but on my time and on my terms.

midwife anne returned at 5am, checked me, and said i was 5 or 6 along. my contractions were even worse at this point, at about 2 minutes apart. i still refused the epidural, and dealt with it. so anne broke my water, telling me that it should speed things up but also make things even more uncomfortable. and it did. man, that was the worst pain ever. i went on for another 2 hours, until 7am. at this point, i was screaming like the woman in the room next to me giving birth. so i asked to be checked again, figuring that if i was at an 8 i would continue through, but if i wasn't yet then i would take the relief. at this point, midwife donna had come on for her shift, and she told me i was still at a 5-6, and an epidural might help me progress because it would relax me. so i asked for it. i was proud of myself for getting that far, and would have done it all over again. it's what i wanted to do, and i did it. go me. =)

by 7:20, i was numb and feeling much relief. my mom had arrived, and i told dave that she could come in for a minute to say hi. some time later, my 4th (and last) awesome labor nurse came in to tell me that the baby did not like my last contraction, and she put me on oxygen. that was not a big deal to me, it had happened once before that night. but i shooed my mom out and tried to breathe in for the baby. a few minutes later, the nurse came back to flip me on my side to try to get a reaction from the baby. no go. next thing i knew, the room was filling up. the nurse is flipping me back and forth... midwife donna is back to put in an internal monitor for the baby. then a resident ob/gyn came in to look at my monitor. and all of a sudden, donna is leaning in to tell me that the baby's heart rate had been decelerated for a while, and that it wasn't coming back up, so they needed to do an emergency c-section. as she's telling me this, they're putting me on a stretcher. there's a flurry of action, and they're wheeling me away from dave to run me down the hall to the OR. i didn't get to take him with me, and i didn't get to say anything to him. i just looked at him as i was crying, and he was crying, and they're rushing me away.

i cried all the way down to the OR. donna stayed with me to hold my hand, tell me what was happening, and to keep me as calm as she could. i was completely scared... i thought we were going to lose the baby. and i wanted dave. and i didn't want the surgery to be happening. and i didn't know what else to do except cry and let them do what they had to do.

thank god i had opted for the epidural, so they didn't have to knock me out for the surgery. the anestheseologist worked fast and, before i even knew what they were doing, i felt the pressure on my abdomen. i knew that this had to be the cutting, so i grasped donna's hand tighter and cried and hoped for the best. after some serious pressure and pulling sensations, and a few more seconds, i heard the baby cry. and i lost it. i was just so grateful to hear her cry and know that she was ok that i couldn't hold anything back anymore. finally dave was in the room -- unbeknownst to me, a kind nurse had let him watch through the door as they pulled the baby out and took the cord from around her -- and he got to hold her as i got to say hello. the moment was brief... dave got to follow her out and i had to stay behind and be stitched up, only to be placed in recovery for a few more hours.

the cord had wrapped around her during that last contraction, and it was slowing her heart. i'm still tormented by the thoughts of how that day went, but i'm so grateful to everyone that worked so fast and so well to get her out and safe.

dave and i finally got to christen her anna jae block, which everyone heard with a sigh of relief. i guess not revealing a name ahead of time will make people think you're getting a *bit* too creative with it.

but now anna is here, and our lives are completely different. and we wouldn't have it any other way.